Funeral Etiquette
Many of us feel unsure about what encouraging words to say to the family or how to respond to their feelings of sorrow. Understanding a few funeral etiquette guidelines can help you feel more comfortable in both funeral and visitation settings.
When Should I Visit?
Upon learning of someone’s death, visiting the family at their home is appropriate, but the funeral home is the best place to visit with family members and offer condolences. For those who wish to provide support before services are held, offering assistance can bring additional comfort. You can bring food, household necessities, assist with childcare, or handle errands and chores to help the grieving family.
What Should I Say?
This is the most common question asked by those wanting to pay their respects. While no words can fully express the depth of a loss, offering a few kind words to the family of the deceased shows you care. Avoid airing grievances or saying the deceased is in a better place now.
Where Should I Sit?
Many people are unfamiliar with seating arrangements at funeral services. Typically, at both the funeral and visitation, the first rows of seats are reserved for family members. If you are not part of the family, please choose a seat behind the reserved seating.
What Should I Do?
Arriving on time is very important. When entering the funeral home or another location, do so as quietly as possible. If you are attending the visitation, speak to the surviving family members and offer your condolences before taking a seat. Cellphone use during a service is inappropriate. If you need to answer a message or call, please excuse yourself and step into another room or go outside.
What Should I Do About Children?
While there isn’t a definite answer to this question, deciding whether a child should attend a visitation or funeral service depends on several factors, including the situation, the child’s relationship to the deceased and their family, the child’s age, and their ability to behave appropriately. If you decide to bring your child to a service, explain what will occur and how they should act during that time.
What Should I Give?
Sending flowers to the funeral home or the family’s home is an appropriate way to offer condolences. In some cases, family members may request donations to a specific foundation in lieu of flowers, and these wishes should be honored. Bringing food to the grieving family is another thoughtful way to show respect. A less expensive but equally appropriate option is to send a sympathy card. There is no specific timeframe for sending cards; they are welcome at any time.
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