The Grieving Process

The Grieving Process

Every individual copes with the loss of a loved one in their own unique way. Although the grieving process varies for each person, we all share some common emotions as we work towards healing from our loss.

Our responses to the various emotions during the grieving process are often described as "stages." These stages are not bound by time, and people do not move through them in a linear or orderly fashion. Stages can last for minutes or hours, and it's common to cycle through them repeatedly as you navigate your grief.

The five commonly observed stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Initially, you may feel detached, shocked, or numb, wondering why you aren't more upset. This detachment is a survival response, nature's way of helping you function under extreme stress. Denial allows you to carry on with necessary tasks immediately following your loss.

Anger can bridge the gap from the initial numbness of grief. You may feel angry at doctors, family, the deceased, or even God. Anger is a necessary part of the healing process, connected to your pain. Allowing yourself to feel anger alongside the pain helps it diminish and aids in healing.

During bargaining, thoughts of "if only" and "what if" may arise, often accompanied by guilt. You might wonder if you could have done something differently to prevent the loss. This stage involves second-guessing and dwelling on the past to avoid present pain.

After bargaining, feelings of emptiness and deep grief can lead to depression. This depression is not a sign of mental illness but a natural response to significant loss. Realizing the permanence of the loss brings deep sadness, a normal and necessary step toward healing.

Eventually, you reach acceptance, where you come to terms with your bereavement. The loss becomes part of your story and history, no longer consuming your life as it once did. Acceptance brings increased peace, renewed interest in activities, and the potential for new interests and relationships. You learn to live with your loss in a constructive and healing way.

How long am I going to feel this way?

Complicated Grief

The duration of the mourning process can be influenced by your relationship to the deceased, the amount of support you receive, and other factors.

Sometimes, the healing process may be disrupted or delayed if other events or traumatic losses have occurred in a person’s life, particularly if the other loss is recent or has never been fully processed. This is known as “complicated grief.” Those experiencing this type of grief may benefit from working with professionals trained in dealing with complex grief issues.

If, after some time has passed, your grief remains persistent and disruptive to the point where it impacts your daily functions, please seek professional counseling.